Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize