I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
