Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
