We named our party play list daddy issues
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
