I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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