My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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