You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
