under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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