you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
be right there i have to get my cape
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
