I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
