Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
