You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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