I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
