I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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