I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
