i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
