It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
