Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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