when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
