were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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