Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
