my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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