"it" just moved
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
