No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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