Can i not drive my cunt home
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
