GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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