sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
