I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize