I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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