Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
