you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
