Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
