My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
