our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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