your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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