I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
