I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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