Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
