So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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