dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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