Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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