did you get engaged???
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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