I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
