non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
