I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
