This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
