My hand turned me down
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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