areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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