She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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