who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want is dick and wine.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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