Fuck appropriateness.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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