I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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