she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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