i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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