dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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