dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
