I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
