dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I look better un-naked...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
