too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
