I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
