I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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