I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
