ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
