We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
