I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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