Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How external is "for external use only"?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
