Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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