Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
