Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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