I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
