I'm gonna have a badass scar
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
