you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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