His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
