How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
