i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
