whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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