She's JV to your varsity
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
