Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize