I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
