Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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