You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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