You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
