There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
