Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
