whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
