Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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