dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
