You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
