Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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