my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
