It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
