you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
