I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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