I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
