They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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