Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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